I seriously can not stop laughing at this picture.
It’s totally how I feel today.
I’m so miserable.
I really want everyone around me to be miserable….
Actually, If I could lock myself up in my room…I would fill it with dark chocolate, motrin, a 6 pk of beer (yep…no wine at this point), and an endless marathon of SVU.
Is this a joke? Nope…I wish it was. Because, deep down there is a loving, tender side of me that wants to surpress the monster that is coming out. However, every few months a year, she shows up and means business…..
I know what you are thinking…if you are a woman…you are LYAO. (haha….you KNOW what I’m talking about about…) I mean…how many commercials show women diving off a diving board at a party or showcasing white tight pants. Really? Not in this lifetime, buddy. I’m just happy that the kids get fed and diapers changed. At certain times of the day, I might be considered too “medicated” to operate a motor vehicle. =)
If you are a guy….and you manage to come across these familiar situations…continue to read. You couIdn’t possibly understand what we are talking about but I’m going to give you several “survival techniques” to “fake it” pretty well……..
- Stay away. This is not the time to rub our backs or ask to “talk”. Just…stay away or you may hear something you regret. And….we will not apologize for what we say during a period. It’s your fault….rule #1…stay away.
- Make sure there is always motrin and chocolate on hand. It should be in the first aid kit right next to the bandaids….cause someone’s going to get hurt if there’s no chocolate in the house. Never comment on how much we consume or remind us if we are on a diet during this time. Every woman knows that calories, during your period,….don’t count!!!!
- Never, EVER say…”Relax, honey”…..unless you are handing us a pillow, an eye mask, and sending us to bed at 3 pm while you wrangle up the munchkins or finish cleaning up the kitchen. This phase will definitely ensure celibacy for the next 3 years of a marriage.
- Suppress all desire to critique. If we didn’t make a great dinner, you can handle it. Hey….offer to grab some dessert and feast on that. If it’s chocolate, it’s definitely a double win. If you are still recovering from last night’s “dinner”, order takeout. You might be greeted with a hug or small loving gesture. If we look frumpy and dishoveled, no comments. Most likely something “attractive” will be too constricting and uncomfortable. In fact, pajamas…are almost inevitable. =)
- Don’t make any plans. This is not the time to plan a “guys night” when you have to shower and get ready starting at 5 and leave your wife to put the kids to bed. This would be a monumental mistake. In addition, never make any plans inviting a dinner guest over. She will most likely never forgive you. haha
Most of all, recognize that this time is short and tough. We aren’t enjoying it either! Soon we will be back to ourselves…..but for now….it’s survival…..=)
Last night, my husband after making a “really, honey???!!!” comment at the GINORMOUS dark chocolate bar I had consumed, checked the DVR and found the newest Real Housewives Of Orange County. Pushing play, he handed me the remote. “I’m heading upstairs to watch a show. I’ll see you when you come up.”…..after 12 years……he’s learned me. =)