Tag Archives: love

Our Anniversary…..13 years…. and advice for a newlywed….

Today the hubby and I celebrate 13 years of marriage.

wedding shotI truly couldn’t love this man any more than I do.

It hasn’t always been easy….but it’s our story.

Everything that the last 13 years have brought us, we have weathered together.

We have laughed, cried, struggled, and celebrated our love.

And every morning, we woke up and made the decision to love each other.

IMG_1197When I was in high school, I was told by my religion teacher that I should pray for my future husband. I prayed nightly for his decision making; that the Lord would prepare him for me; and that we would continue to follow Christ. We truly believe that those prayers have helped anchor us.

So in the spirit of celebrating, I thought it would be fun to generate a list of “lessons” for the newlywed “Tammi”. You know…the things I wish I could have told myself when I was first married that would have saved me a lot of hurt, anger, and frustration.

(Feel free to share this with any of your newlywed friends or family)

I’m sorry. Ok….Tam, you need to practice these two words. I know you “think” you are great at apologizing but…you really suck at it. In fact, even when you are apologizing, you don’t really mean it. In fact, almost all your apologies end with some sort of justification of “why” you did what you did. Any justification of what you did….negates any apology. Listen…….you will hurt people in life. Say “I’m sorry” and leave it like that. If you can take a few minutes to understand how the person feels, it would even be better if you could follow it with your understanding of the situation. “I’m so sorry. I’m sure what I did really hurt you”.

To love is to risk hurt. He has the ability to love you deeply and immensely. He also has the ability to crush you like no one else. To love is to risk hurt, but the reward is worth it. You will experience love like you have never known. Prepare for heart ache. There will be times that you will cry for him, with him, and because of him.  Love like you aren’t afraid of being hurt.

beach shotBe direct.  Communication is key to being best friends. Talk to him. Tell him what you don’t like. Tell him what you love. Tell him what worries you and what brings you peace. Explain yourself. Don’t expect him to “figure it out”. You will only help yourself by being open and honest.

Be true to yourself. To be the best wife, you have to be the best you. You need to spend time on your talents, your hobbies, and your interests. You have to cultivate your life outside of your family unit. Sign up for zumba classes; join a reading club; take that cake decorating class. Enjoy the time you make for yourself.

Be selfless. Throw out the paper and tally system. Love him everyday in your actions. The more freedom you give him to be himself, the more he will love you. The more you support his desire to be himself and have “his friends”, “his activities”, the more he will want to spend time with you. The more he will look for “us” time.

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Laugh. There is too much in life to be serious about. Find time during the day to play jokes on him and laugh. Send him funny text messages and leave funny notes in his car. You will fall in love with his laughter….

Listen. When he talks, look at him. Don’t multi-task when it comes to him talking to you. He will question whether you really care. Show him that he is worth ALL your attention. Even if its hard. Even if the timing is not right. If he can’t come to you with the small stuff, he won’t come to you with the “big” stuff.

Enjoy where you are, God has you there for a reason. I know you want to have a baby right away, but treasure this time that its just the two of you. Take last minute dates, and hit the movies at midnight. Drive to the beach for the day…just because you can. Don’t worry about what others have or what they are doing, be content. I know you might want a home right away, but treasure the joys of a cleaning a small place. The grass will ALWAYS be greener.

Do stuff together. Make sure that you have “us” stuff. Start traditions that you will always have. Eat brunch after Mass every Sunday or hold the annual Superbowl bash for your friends. Go shopping and buy bikes to ride together. Take time to learn what each other likes and then “suck it up” and do that. It won’t kill you to watch a little football….maybe you will even become a Notre Dame fan. =)

Pray with him and for him. God has brought you together. You will need his help to tackle the outside influences that will try to come between you. When times get tough, get on your knees. Pray for prudence in all your decisions and pray to be able to love each other. When you are afraid, pray for faith. “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord”.

IMG_1118Lord God, I thank you for the gift of my marriage. I thank you for being the pillar that my husband and I have anchored ourselves to. When times have been tough, we have been able to “do all things through Christ who strengthens us”. Phillipians 4:13. I thank you for my husband’s unwavering faith in our marriage and his daily “yes” to a life with me.

Thank you for taking the time to reflect with me.

May God bless you,

Tammi

 

Being a mom…..

What is being a mom?

I have been thinking a lot about this tonight in light of Mother’s Day and what it means. For every mom, it will be different. I am blessed to be surrounded in my life by some beautiful, selfless moms. They have helped shape the woman that I am today and they continue to “push” me to new heights of loving my children.

Do I feel that I am a wonderful mom?

Yes….but not because I have taken countless surveys or read countless blogs about the “top 10 ways to be a good mom”. Good Lord, you will drive yourself nuts trying to be “everything” that the newest bloggers recommend. I believe that I am a wonderful mom because I strive DAILY to be a good mom. Because I believe that my children will grow up strong, and ready for whatever life hands them when they feel loved and supported from their mom.

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Do I feel that I “have it all together”???

Absolutely not!!! But….i try!

I wake up everyday trying to be a better mom than the day before…and I go to bed every night evaluating myself as “mom”.

IMG_4280Being a mom is looking at yourself every day…through the eyes of a child. Am I patient? Loving? helpful? As crazy as it might be, how is my child feeling right now? Do I need to spend some time with my child today that I didn’t originally plan to? Have I strived to give them “all of me” in every way?

IMG_4225Being a mom is about being “cool” to an 8 yr old boy who just wants to wrestle…doesn’t want to kiss on you…but admires you and wants his own “time” with you…you just have to figure out what that “means”. You may resort to wacky faces,  practical jokes, and fighting…all to win over the heart of that child.

IMG_3674Being a mom is about providing opportunities for your kids to enjoy their time with you. It’s about looking at an overrun calendar and finding some space for a date night. It’s about finding time to laugh, and giggle, and just enjoy life. It’s about rediscovering who your children are as they evolve.

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Being a mom is about digging deep and having the “hard talks” with your older children to help “form” them. It’s about listening to where they are, foreseeing where they are heading, and being their support all the while. It’s about remembering how hard it is to grow up and try to find your way.

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Being a mom is about spending your “down time” snuggling with little ones, and allowing “sips” out of your tea. It’s about sharing everything that you have because you are “mom” and all “your stuff” is completely and utterly awesome! It’s about feeling little arms around your neck and cold toes against your skin at night by a little nightly visitor. It’s being exhausted about 3 pm because you have crammed so much into your day.

photo(6)Being mom is about being an example of love. It means loving their Dad in such a way that they learn how to compromise and how to give freely. That your children learn security and self confidence from their home life and the love that they see exhibited by their parents. Being mom means showing your children that they are a priority….second only to their dad!

Being a mom is also about surrounding  yourself with other moms that love you and want to see you be the best mom. It’s about having other women that listen to your gripes; share in your frustrations; and yet tell you to “get over it”…haha.

IMG_0706Happy Mother’s Day!

As you look at your children today, may you feel the loving hand of Christ reassuring you….”well done, my good and faithful servant!”

May we spend today honoring those who have mothered us into being the people who we are today!

God Bless,

Tammi

Tip Tuesday: loveletters….be one….

When I was in high school, I had this amazing religion teacher who taught me about “loveletters” and how to look for them. She taught me that God loved me and showered me with little “gifts” throughout the day. It was my love for him and my desire for a relationship with him that would allow me to see these little “gifts” in my life. Wow??!! What a beautiful thought…..I have spent the last 20 years of my life looking for these little “loveletters” every day.

When you open your eyes to see them…it’s really quite overwhelming.

I would like to share with you one of these profound times in my life. In October 2011, one month before the birth of Miss Missy, my husband contracted meningitis and encephalitis. I can’t begin to explain how emotionally draining it was to be “done” with being pregnant and the emotional “basket case” that the last month of pregnancy has you in and then to deal with my husband’s medical condition at that time. I didn’t know how I was going to do it. I was not sleeping; barely eating; trying to homeschool three children and be at the hospital for the majority of the day so I could monitor my husband’s care; all while trying to keep myself out of the hospital until it was my turn. My mom had come up to stay with me and help me out when all of this first broke out and she was one of my first “loveletter” during that time. She helped bring routine and comfort to my home. She reassured the children while I battled the doctors with my husband.

My husband’s family delivered hot meals to my home and called regularly to “check in” on my husband….more loveletters. I would often pray on my nightly 45 minute ride home that the Lord will keep me awake….more than once a good friend called at just the right time….another loveletter…thank you, Lord.

The most impressionable loveletter I ever received happened one morning as I returned home. I had spent the night at the hospital with my husband and was coming home to spend some lunchtime with the kiddos. I was spent…exhausted….I missed my husband. I missed the man who I ran to for my problems. I missed the man who held me and assured me all would be ok. He lay in a bed with tons of wires; numerous IVs, and couldn’t speak intelligently. He had lashed out on me so much over the course of that two week span…I was scared and felt very alone. I was worried about how I would handle post-partum pregnancy with four little kids and a husband who really couldn’t function on his own. I needed a good cry…..I sat in my van in front of my house and wept. I was adamant about my kids not seeing me cry. I needed to be strong…I needed to carry this burden solely….“Lord, help me. I feel so alone.”

Then I walked by the mailbox.

“Get the mail”.

I heard it very clear.

What?

Get the mail.” 

I was tired. I just wanted to get in the door. To snuggle on the couch with my kiddos and grab a nap before I journeyed back to the hospital.

Get the mail“….”

“Ok, Lord.”

So…I stopped to get the mail. Then, I did something I don’t normally do…I sat down on the steps of the house and went through the mail. There were three personal letters in there from my household sisters from a Christian sorority I belonged to in college. Each personal letter came with a little gift card: one to Starbucks, one to Subway, and one to Mcdonalds. The floodgates opened and I cried like a baby. “You are not alone”. My heart heard it…….those little cards kept coming for about two weeks. Each letter offered me reassurance from some strong women in my life. Each card assured me of their prayers for my peace and for strength. Oh….I felt it. It’s amazing how much our prayers and our words touch those whom we love.

God answers our cries

if we have the ears and eyes to believe.

Some days we receive loveletters and somedays we have the privilege to be the sender of a loveletter.

So…for this Tip Tuesday…..

Be a sender of a loveletter.

This evening my husband and I had the privilege of having my nephew over for dinner. We have enjoyed having him over a few times a year, while he is closer to us at college, and spending time with him. He is a college student and in the middle of exams. Our little loveletter came in the form of an “exam survival kit” the hubs and I compiled for him.

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We filled it with a bunch of stuff that we “coveted” when we were in college with no money and late nights. (I took this picture before I added the homemade goodies and refrigerated stuff.) Here’s what we included in ours:

  • Wheat bread/Peanut butter/jelly
  • crackers/ cheddar cheese slices
  • fresh fruit: apples and grapes
  • canned pineapple
  • oreos: one of his favorites
  • microwave popcorn
  • small jugs of orange juice
  • small individual bags of muffins

***home baked goods: two tupperware bins: one filled with leftovers from dinner and one filled with dessert leftovers.

***A bag of Halloween candy: the kids gave him 3 pieces of candy from their own Halloween bag. The hubs and I might have thrown in a few extra to lessen our bin.

  • Some other suggestions would be: coins for the vending machine; ramen noodles; packets of tunafish; sports drinks or gum or mints.

 The expression on his face was priceless. It was the same look I had as I glance over that mail. Someone had thought of me. Someone had reached out and realized a need before I voiced it.  It’s a beautiful gift to be someone’s loveletter.

What about you?

Could you be someone’s loveletter today or tomorrow?

How about the next time you say, “I’ll pray for you.”…how about instead you BE that person’s answer to prayer.

Try it.

It’s a beautiful thing to be the hands of Christ.

Christ has no body now but yours. No hands, no feet on earth but yours. Yours are the eyes through which he looks compassion on this world. Chris has no body now on earth but yours.” – St. Teresa of Avila.

 

God bless,

 

Tammi

Tip Tuesday: Live in the moment….

Have you ever been in the middle of something but your mind is racing? People are talking to you but you really aren’t hearing anything that they are saying.

You are just not present….

You are busy planning a list of things to be done…

or maybe you are working out a problem in your head.

Whatever it is that you are doing…you are not present.

It’s really such an unfortunate occurrence.

It’s so important that we “live in the moment”.

Hanging with the littles..

Hanging with the littles..

This is me having one of ” those ” moments.

The hubs decided to take the three older children out for the evening, and I just had the two little kids. Within the first 10 minutes that the hubs had told me of his plan, I had visions of checking things off my “to do” list.

I had already decided that Dora was going to babysit those two little ones and I was going to tackle some paperwork and projects. I was sitting in the floor with my list when Mini Me came over and said, “Mom…my nose is stuffy and letting me know it doesn’t feel good. But my heart is saying….I need to cuddle with my mom”.

I mean…really??!! How do I respond to that?

“Well, honey…tell your little heart that mommy had big plans for putting the school room back together. I will take a raincheck for a more convenient time though……”

That’s the kid equivalent of the middle finger.

So….that wasn’t going to happen.

What did happen? This picture…..and a bunch more like it.

We took a bunch of selfies.

IMG_2243We took advantage of it just being “us”.  We played hide and seek. We had a little dance party and we pretended that we were princesses.

It’s not what I wanted.
It was what they wanted…

and I was determined to live in the moment.

My daughter has a real problem with this. We can be in the middle of a fun activity and she wants to know what we are doing next. I used to go through a schedule with her of the daily activities. However, with her personality, I realized that this makes it almost impossible for her to enjoy herself.

I give her last minute notice of everything. I don’t talk about events of the day with her. She needs to be able to live in the moment. In a society where everything is about convenience and getting things faster and easier…..she can venture to learn a little patience and just enjoy what she is doing.

What about you? Do you live in the moment? or do you plow through these precious moments thinking about the next “best thing”?

Do yourself a favor….slow down.

Imagine yourself out in the sun…and soak in everything that the moment offers you.

Moments and memories are fleeting….we are always chasing them. Try and hold on to them while you can……

God Bless,

Tammi

Part 2: Are you a fighter?

wedding rings

So….are you still in the ring???

 I wrote a blog a few weeks ago called “Are you a fighter?” I was pleasantly surprised at the wonderful response to this blog. It seemed that so many people were either feeling the way that I did, in that they wanted someone to fight for them, or they felt convicted about not fighting for their spouse or loved one. The challenge I presented was for us to challenge our loved ones to “fight for us everyday.”

So….how can I fight for my spouse or loved one? How can I fight for my family?

Well,…how about letting someone know that you are fighting for them?

  Communication…

Wow…this one is so tough. It requires us to be vulnerable and possibly open to hurt. Since my blog, my husband has pulled me into a hug several times and told me, “I’m fighting for us.” He has also told me that the challenge that I presented to him was…..“life changing”.

“It was exactly what I needed…”  he said.

We all want to be heard. Sometimes we want others to “know us” and “figure out” what we need. That’s ridiculous…and you know it. That’s our way of not being “real” with ourselves or our loved ones. We need to communicate our feelings, our hopes, our dreams, our anxieties. Have you ever noticed how sometimes just hearing yourself say something relieves your anxiety?. Especially if you are a SAHM, you NEED to talk. You need to have adult communication.

What about in our family? Does every family member have a “voice”? Do you know what your kids love doing? What their interests are? Do you really “know” your kids, or wife, your husband? I have found that the most important tool we can give our children is the ability to listen. Don’t assume what a person is thinking….ask them. Don’t assume that you know why your child is frustrated…ask them. Maybe you don’t like the huge temper tantrum that your child is throwing but….could you have avoided it? Do they have certain “triggers” that if you knew them well enough, you could have helped them work through it? Last night, we sent our kids to bed early because they were being totally crazy….well, most of them. Well, I could hear the sobs of the Fashionista…and it was not her typical cry. It was heart-wrenching. I turned to my husband and said, “we need to call her back down and ask her why she is crying. I think I know why but I want to hear her say it.”

I had a feeling she felt..betrayed.

She was awesome….all day.

She banged out all her chores, happily and worked so well playing with the other little ones. When she came down, she said what I was thinking, …

“I don’t think it’s fair that I go to bed early. I had a GREAT day!”

And she was right. She got to stay up til 8:30, her normal bedtime.

We teach our kids to talk to us. We have taught them that we may not like what they have to say but we want to hear it. We want them to communicate with us.

2    Change the priority…make this person more important than yourself.

Instead of asking yourself, “What have you done for me lately?” Look to see how you can do for this loved one in your life.

When we start the game of tallying, we are never satisfied. By tallying, I mean, “well, you let me go out once last week, but you went out twice this week.” If you think like this, you will always have the short end of the stick. If you are communicating with your spouse or loved one, and address the need to have some “personal time”, that should be enough. If your voice is being “heard”, what does it matter how your “tallies” fall. In addition, if both you and your loved one have accepted the challenge to “fight” for your family, then you have someone who is already looking at putting you first. When you have your “biggest fan” living with you, it changes your whole outlook on what your home life can look like. You are competing to see who can love each other more….everyone wins!!!! Look at the following scenarios:

Scenario#1: I want to sleep in but my wife has been up all night with a sick baby.

Action: I’m going to jump up and grab the baby when I hear him/her. I’m going to allow my wife to sleep in. I’m going to start the coffee so when she wakes up, she knows that I’ve thought of her.

The results: most likely your wife wakes up and is overwhelmed by this act. This act, that required little money/time, has catapulted her day. You have been influential in putting that extra “pep” in her step. In addition, you got to have some quality time with the baby. Maybe he or she snuggled with you or laughed and it was a moment that you would have missed.

Scenario #2: My husband has been so stressed lately. He’s been rubbing his neck and complaining about not sleeping due to a pain in his neck.

Action: I’m going to surprise him with a back massage early Saturday morning. I’m going to leave him a note on his pillow for when he comes home to get changed from work. I’m going to tell him in my note that I’m so thankful for how hard he works and that I think he could use this appointment. I have taken care of everything. It’s paid for and the time set.

Result: Your husband might come down and just hug you. You recognized a need and you met it. You addressed the need for him to provide and thanked him.

The fact is that selflessness breeds more selflessness much like selfishness breeds more selfishness. When my husband does something loving for me, it makes me want to do something for him as well. If he lets me sleep in, I might ask if he wants to grab a nap during the day or maybe catch some time by himself.

Which is more life-giving? Being selfish or selfless? Which one is truly “fighting”?

    Decide what kind of marriage/relationship/family you want….and go for it!

If your loved ones biggest complaint is that they have no time with you, what can you do to change that? Can you have one day a week that you come home early and hang out with the family? The hubs and I try and take out one child once a month. These are typically father-daughter, father-son, mother-son, or mother-daughter dates. They don’t have to be really expensive….ice cream out….bowling….shopping. Some months are crazy and we do more as a family and then other months we might have two dates in one month. In our family, its our way of having quality time with a growing family. Does this sound possible?

Do you feel like you will never have time? It’s amazing how little quantity time you need to have quality time. My husband was always making promises to DDD of things they could do. He  would promise him that they would go to the park and shoot hoops or throw the football after dinner and he always had other things come up. He would feel so bad. I remember one night telling him…”don’t make it such a big event. Just randomly give him time. 5 minutes here…10 minutes there. It means the world to him and its a nice break for you.” Sometimes, he will just text me to send DDD up to his office and they will wrestle. Sometimes he will have DDD set up a lego battle in his room and they will randomly take 10 minutes and battle. These “little moments” really mean nothing in terms of the work required by us, but to a child it shows we care.

Can you surprise your family with a four day weekend? What if you planned everything? Do you want to be more involved in your kids’ lives? Are you just so busy that you are like ships “passing in the night”??…plan a family meeting. Sit down and share schedules. Make it your responsibility to  know what your families schedule is during the week. Make sure you are “involved” in the life of your family. Make time for a family dinner. Ask your kids to talk to you about their project at school, or their favorite activity this season? Can you pick up a child and take them to practice? Can you alleviate one of your spouse’s errands for that week?

If you want more of a romantic relationship, work on that….plan romantic “moments” in your day. Send flowers from work. Grab her hand while you are watching TV and just hold it. Have a babysitter “show up” at your house with a pizza for the kids and tell your wife that she is going on a date. Surprise her with sweet notes when she opens the fridge, or her dresser. Leave notes for your husband on the bathroom mirror. Text him little loving thoughts during the day. Give her/him reasons to think of you during the day. Create a romantic basket (like the one pictured below) and sit it out on the counter…..plan a time this week when you can open it and have time after work/school. Additionally, we have to remember that our children are also taking “clues” on how relationships work. If you are trying to raise a gentleman, be one! If you are trying to raise a loving daughter with self-respect, be her ultimate role-model!

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a romantic gift basket…

   Admit your failures.

This is sooo key. I can’t tell you how awesome it is when my husband shares with me that he was planning something that didn’t work out. He may be frustrated and I don’t know why. Simply admitting his own frustrations at his time limitations or work burdens makes me smile that he was trying to put me first. “I was hoping to get home before dinner to make dinner for you but I got stuck at a meeting that lasted too long.” Or how about, I have really been trying to put you first but I’m really overwhelmed at work and it’s affecting us.” Sometimes, it’s really nice to know that there was a “plan of action” that didn’t work out. You know?!

Pray

Pray for the desire to love and be loved.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.“- Phillipians 4:13

Pray for added strength when selfish tendencies surface. Wake up everyday and renew your commitment to fight the good fight for your partner, and your family.

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” 2 Timothy 4:7

My prayer is that you will continue to defend yourself over every “blow” that comes your way. That you will stand tall as you defend your loved one and your family.

God bless,

Tammi

 

Tip Tuesday: 5 things I wish I would remember….

Five Things I wish I would remember…..

I feel like I’m losing my mind. Call it “mom brain” or maybe I’m just trying to juggle too many things and some stuff just “slips out” but…

I forget just about everything.

I start conversations and then get distracted. I enter the kitchen and forget why I am there. I call someone and have to look at my phone to see who I called. It’s crazy. It’s probably a sign that I need to SSSSSLLLLLOOOOOWWWWW down…

So…while I have a focused mind, here are five things I wish I could remember everyday:

1.   Wake up early, happy, and ready. It’s the days that I jump up before the kids and jump in the shower that seem to go the best. I don’t let my mind wander onto my Thing to Do list until I’m showered; I’ve prayed; and I’m ready for the day. I grab a few cuddles from the kiddos and just start my day off smiling.

2.   Prayer changes everything. Prayer changes me. It gives me the opportunity to ask the Lord to reign over my day. It allows me to ask the Lord for the virtues that I need to conquer my day. It changes the moods of those around you. It can refocus my family if things are crazy. It can calm me when things seem to be out of control or desperate.

3.   I am one of the greatest role models my kids have. This is NOT what I want to be thinking about when I’m yelling for the 10th time or telling my son how frustrating he is. =( How humbling it is to be correcting my kids behavior and yet I’m the biggest hypocrite when it comes to calm and productive behavior. If I want productive children, I should show them how hard I work. If I want my kids to be loving, they need to learn that from me.

4.   Plan, Plan, Plan. Not having a plan leads to havoc. I can’t emphasize this enough in my life. Does this mean no time for a spontaneous day? No…because you can plan to have a spontaneous day. I love when I really focus and finish a two week menu plan. I mean….to be able to do some dinner prep at 2 when the toddler is napping is WAY easier than deciding at 5pm that I don’t want to make dinner nor do I have anything to make. If I can plan and tackle schoolwork and household errands early in my day/week, I will not have to decline fun field trips or possible last minute fun due to poor planning.

 5.   My life is great. Even when I’m stressed, overworked, frustrated, or worn out…I must remember that my life is great. I have an amazing husband, good and loving children, and an amazing network of family and friends.

I’m thinking about printing this out and posting it on my mirror for when I wake up in the morning. I am hoping that these statements will be branded on my brain and on my heart.

Wishing you much peace.

God Bless,

Tammi

Are you a fighter?

My husband is a natural born fighter. It’s one of the things that I love about him. I always feel safe when I’m with him. I know that, physically, he could protect me in any situation…and maybe die trying.

He’s also an idealist. Nothing ever seems clean enough, perfect enough, etc. Sometimes…it drives me crazy. He has these visions of how our children should be raised and how our house should always look (yeah…good luck with that, buddy). But on the other hand, he believes that all things are possible….he’s an idealist!!! He dreams of owning his own business and talks about how we are going to retire owning our own bed and breakfast. If only he married someone who was more of a doer….unfortunately, he looks to me to help make all that happen.  Hopefully, we can make SOME things happen.

In addition…he’s the guy that you want on your side in an argument. He is precise in his thinking…persuasive in his arguments. He doesn’t back down unless he comes to your way of thinking…then heaven help the other side. I love to watch him in a good debate or a family “discussion” for that matter. People are drawn to him when he speaks, which makes him the incredible salesmen that he is.

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My husband with his best friend and faithful “fighter”, his brother Shawn.

He’s a fighter.

He’s passionate about fighting. He can be found sparring in the mirror and he’s been teaching our son to box at night for a few months now. I love to watch his enthusiasm if my son gets a great right hook in. It lights up his face. My son just loves that time. Getting his aggression out, while spending quality time with his dad.

I married a fighter.

But sometimes…I think he misses the ring.

He misses the fight.

Life gets the best of him. He feels old and tired and just gets stuck in the rut of waiting for the next fight. The routine gets old…it seems like the same thing every day. Work, eat, sleep….repeat. I think a lot of men feel this way.

They don’t know what’s wrong but they feel kinda depressed. If you ask them what’s up…they don’t know. They could get snippy, angry or just moody. The family starts to suffer. .. Tension abounds. Then…we, as their wives, or girlfriends start thinking that its “us” or that they don’t care. Our doubt, or insecurities take over and we start a downward spiral. They say, “it’s not about you”. We feel frustrated and helpless.

Let me stop here to make a quick point…..you deserve the best! Did you know that? Do you really know that??!!! Expect it….demand it….dream big. This is where I plug an awesome book that I read a few years ago….

https://i2.wp.com/ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41XbgtaNVgL._SY344_PJlook-inside-v2,TopRight,1,0_SH20_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge

“Most women think they have to settle for a life of efficiency and duty, chores and errands, striving to be the women they “ought” to be but often feeling they have failed…..but her heart is still there.  She loves to be swept up in a romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, to be the Beauty of the story.”

Could your heart be longing for more?

Are you afraid to ask for it?

Afraid to admit it?

Throw this book in your amazon cart if you haven’t read it. You won’t regret it!

Learn about being the beauty. Starting with your worth as the daughter of a heavenly king.

Ok…..sorry…I’m random.

Now….back to our main blog point…..

 What if we challenged these fighters????…….

what if we gave them something to fight for???…..

This was what my husband heard when he entered our kitchen a few days ago. It was really quiet and I was washing dishes. He had been emotionally distant and I finally had a few minutes to think about it. I started thinking about what was really bothering me about his behavior. I know I have an incredible husband and father but…I thought I deserved more…

This was our conversation:

Hubs: What’s wrong? Are you crying?

Me: yeah…I’ve got a lot of stuff to talk to you about. I’m just not happy.

Hubs: Please stop crying…it makes me so sad. What’s up?

Me:

…….. I want you to fight for me. I want you to wake up every day fighting for the chance to be loved by me. Only me. I want to go to bed knowing that you loved me in the way that only you can. I want to be assured of your love on a daily basis.

Hub: So…you don’t think I fight for you? (thinking…)

Me: nope.

Hub: ok….

Me: I think you rest on the notion that I love you and will always be here. I don’t think you try and “keep” me here. I think you can sometimes take me for granted.

Hub: wow…ok. I need to think about what that means.

Me: Well…you are heading out of town. Take some time and think about it. It’s going to be something for us to have a big discussion about.

Hub: Ok…you know I love you. (embraces me)

Me: (smile)…yeah.

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Talk about throwing him a right hook. I started the fight…..a fight that I hope will last a lifetime. Now for some reassurance…

Through a text on this ride, he received this…

Please read this later…..

I am madly in love with you. I have been since our first deep discussion as we walked the campus in college. I don’t EVER want to doubt that you feel the same way. I want to know it. I want it to be integral to who you are. We need to be the FIRST thing we work on….otherwise nothing else matters….

I got this text back, from the hubs, that afternoon…

             I read your message. I love you madly as well. I am thankful for you in my life. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you.

vacationing in Puerto Rico, this past Spring 2013

vacationing in Puerto Rico, this past Spring 2013

The hubs checked in with me several times a day while at his conference. Some to tell me that he loved me; to check in on my emotional state; and to let me know in the words of Kevin James on the King of Queens, “I’m thinking of you!!!”

When he returned home Wednesday night, all the kids ran to meet him at the door. I walked happily behind them.

When he kissed me, he said,

 “I’m going to fight for you. Everyday.

Sometimes I think all I need, when I’m in a funk, is you. I need you to remind me of where my focus needs to be.”

While he was away, I secured a sitter to watch the kids on Thursday night. We did something that we rarely make time for. We didn’t get dressed up. We didn’t eat at a fancy restaurant. We grabbed our laptops, papers, pens and our cell phones and we had a business meeting at Red Robin.

We talked about our schedules and our family.

Our house and how to make it more of a home.

Our children and how to make them better Christians.

We are fighting for our family.

Are we finished?

Nope….

we just entered the ring.

Is this speaking to your heart?

Is this possible for you to have a discussion like this with your spouse or loved one?

Are you in the ring fighting for something?

Or are you not even aware that you, your husband, or your family are worth fighting for?

My challenge is for you, me, and everyone……

…….to be fighters.

To fight for our marriages.

To fight for our loved ones.

To fight for something.

You can read Part Two: Are you a fighter? here.

God Bless,

 

Tammi