My husband is a natural born fighter. It’s one of the things that I love about him. I always feel safe when I’m with him. I know that, physically, he could protect me in any situation…and maybe die trying.
He’s also an idealist. Nothing ever seems clean enough, perfect enough, etc. Sometimes…it drives me crazy. He has these visions of how our children should be raised and how our house should always look (yeah…good luck with that, buddy). But on the other hand, he believes that all things are possible….he’s an idealist!!! He dreams of owning his own business and talks about how we are going to retire owning our own bed and breakfast. If only he married someone who was more of a doer….unfortunately, he looks to me to help make all that happen. Hopefully, we can make SOME things happen.
In addition…he’s the guy that you want on your side in an argument. He is precise in his thinking…persuasive in his arguments. He doesn’t back down unless he comes to your way of thinking…then heaven help the other side. I love to watch him in a good debate or a family “discussion” for that matter. People are drawn to him when he speaks, which makes him the incredible salesmen that he is.
My husband with his best friend and faithful “fighter”, his brother Shawn.
He’s a fighter.
He’s passionate about fighting. He can be found sparring in the mirror and he’s been teaching our son to box at night for a few months now. I love to watch his enthusiasm if my son gets a great right hook in. It lights up his face. My son just loves that time. Getting his aggression out, while spending quality time with his dad.
I married a fighter.
But sometimes…I think he misses the ring.
He misses the fight.
Life gets the best of him. He feels old and tired and just gets stuck in the rut of waiting for the next fight. The routine gets old…it seems like the same thing every day. Work, eat, sleep….repeat. I think a lot of men feel this way.
They don’t know what’s wrong but they feel kinda depressed. If you ask them what’s up…they don’t know. They could get snippy, angry or just moody. The family starts to suffer. .. Tension abounds. Then…we, as their wives, or girlfriends start thinking that its “us” or that they don’t care. Our doubt, or insecurities take over and we start a downward spiral. They say, “it’s not about you”. We feel frustrated and helpless.
Let me stop here to make a quick point…..you deserve the best! Did you know that? Do you really know that??!!! Expect it….demand it….dream big. This is where I plug an awesome book that I read a few years ago….
Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
“Most women think they have to settle for a life of efficiency and duty, chores and errands, striving to be the women they “ought” to be but often feeling they have failed…..but her heart is still there. She loves to be swept up in a romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, to be the Beauty of the story.”
Could your heart be longing for more?
Are you afraid to ask for it?
Afraid to admit it?
Throw this book in your amazon cart if you haven’t read it. You won’t regret it!
Learn about being the beauty. Starting with your worth as the daughter of a heavenly king.
Now….back to our main blog point…..
What if we challenged these fighters????…….
what if we gave them something to fight for???…..
This was what my husband heard when he entered our kitchen a few days ago. It was really quiet and I was washing dishes. He had been emotionally distant and I finally had a few minutes to think about it. I started thinking about what was really bothering me about his behavior. I know I have an incredible husband and father but…I thought I deserved more…
This was our conversation:
Hubs: What’s wrong? Are you crying?
Me: yeah…I’ve got a lot of stuff to talk to you about. I’m just not happy.
Hubs: Please stop crying…it makes me so sad. What’s up?
…….. I want you to fight for me. I want you to wake up every day fighting for the chance to be loved by me. Only me. I want to go to bed knowing that you loved me in the way that only you can. I want to be assured of your love on a daily basis.
Hub: So…you don’t think I fight for you? (thinking…)
Me: I think you rest on the notion that I love you and will always be here. I don’t think you try and “keep” me here. I think you can sometimes take me for granted.
Hub: wow…ok. I need to think about what that means.
Me: Well…you are heading out of town. Take some time and think about it. It’s going to be something for us to have a big discussion about.
Hub: Ok…you know I love you. (embraces me)
Talk about throwing him a right hook. I started the fight…..a fight that I hope will last a lifetime. Now for some reassurance…
Through a text on this ride, he received this…
Please read this later…..
I am madly in love with you. I have been since our first deep discussion as we walked the campus in college. I don’t EVER want to doubt that you feel the same way. I want to know it. I want it to be integral to who you are. We need to be the FIRST thing we work on….otherwise nothing else matters….
I got this text back, from the hubs, that afternoon…
I read your message. I love you madly as well. I am thankful for you in my life. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you.
vacationing in Puerto Rico, this past Spring 2013
The hubs checked in with me several times a day while at his conference. Some to tell me that he loved me; to check in on my emotional state; and to let me know in the words of Kevin James on the King of Queens, “I’m thinking of you!!!”
When he returned home Wednesday night, all the kids ran to meet him at the door. I walked happily behind them.
When he kissed me, he said,
“I’m going to fight for you. Everyday.
Sometimes I think all I need, when I’m in a funk, is you. I need you to remind me of where my focus needs to be.”
While he was away, I secured a sitter to watch the kids on Thursday night. We did something that we rarely make time for. We didn’t get dressed up. We didn’t eat at a fancy restaurant. We grabbed our laptops, papers, pens and our cell phones and we had a business meeting at Red Robin.
We talked about our schedules and our family.
Our house and how to make it more of a home.
Our children and how to make them better Christians.
We are fighting for our family.
Are we finished?
we just entered the ring.
Is this speaking to your heart?
Is this possible for you to have a discussion like this with your spouse or loved one?
Are you in the ring fighting for something?
Or are you not even aware that you, your husband, or your family are worth fighting for?
My challenge is for you, me, and everyone……
…….to be fighters.
To fight for our marriages.
To fight for our loved ones.
To fight for something.
You can read Part Two: Are you a fighter? here.